i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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