I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
