Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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