I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
