No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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