shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
