He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't deserve a penis
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
