I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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