walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
