when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
