I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
