You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
