we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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