remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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