dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Panties = found
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
