Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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