Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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