i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
two words: eviction party
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
