Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think I won the penis lottery.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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