I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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