I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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