he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
