Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize