im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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