We named our party play list daddy issues
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
