he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I could fuck to npr.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize