We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
