yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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