none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
