Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My liver is preforming stress tests.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
