I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
