the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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