I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize