i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
