Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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