My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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