It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
