I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
