I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
