OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
