I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i came on her dog
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
