oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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