If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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