It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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