I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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