i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
