He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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