so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
