Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
