did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
