I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize