he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
