Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
