I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
