I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
