Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
