Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
