My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
