Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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