somebody snuck up and got me drunk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
