Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
