spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
