Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
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