oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she looked like the before picture.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
