seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
