so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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