using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
