broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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