I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
