The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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