I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Blow job season was short but glorious.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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