ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
