he thought i was a dude.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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